Thursday, March 24, 2016

The Core Values of Successful (Heterosexual) Dating

While dating is a very unique and personal experience, that doesn't take away from the consistencies of what works and what doesn't. Some things in life are time-tested and true while others are constantly adapting and evolving. The key to just about anything in life is balance. So here are some tips that, if followed, will help lead to a balanced and successful dating life while leaving plenty of room for respect to differences and personal decisions:

Both Genders:

Always use protection outside of marriage. Regardless of one's religion or personal beliefs, if you are going to have sex outside of marriage (as most people do) then you should do so responsibly. The best way to avoid the questions of premature parenthood, abortion and adoption are by avoiding getting pregnant in the first place. If you aren't responsible enough to handle this before children enter the picture, then chances are you're not going to be the parent that you could be when looking back in retrospect. Do right by yourself, your partner and any children involved by handling pregnancy as the serious, mature, life-altering matter that it is. Furthermore, this helps save you both from STDs.

Females:

Alcohol is a tool for sex, not dating (or legitimate boyfriend finding). If you go to an event and plan on drinking, remember that alcohol's effect on women lowers their personal gate when it comes to purely physical consent. When a man sees you drinking, he knows that the likelihood of you putting out is going to be higher, therefore the likelihood of men talking to you is higher if you drink then if you don't. This does not mean that every man who talks to you while you have a drink in your hand is singularly trying to get into your pants, it just means that it's more likely (just as it's more likely you're going to let him). In contrast, the chances that having a coffee with a man does not mean that he isn't singularly trying to get into your pants. However, it does mean he's more likely to get to know you first and treat you as a real person rather than a quick release (just as you're less likely to offer yourself as a quick release).

The more men you have sex with, the lower quality they are likely to become. This is a rule of nature not society. Just as men haven't changed their fashion styles in over 100 years, so they haven't changed their taste of class in wives. The average woman has about 4 partners in her lifetime while the average man considers a woman a slut/unmarriageable at 5 partners or more (maybe even less). Just because many women have decided to service more men and throw away the value of their own virginity, doesn't mean men don't still value it if they could actually get it. Additionally, studies find that having "multiple premarital sex partners enhance women’s risk of divorce". Just as a diamond's worth has been affected by their rarity, so does a woman's virginity (and it already started at a high value).

Do not have sex with a man on the first date. Remember that sex is very progressive and you can only stay consistent or move forward but you cannot move backwards. While premarital sex has become more common and casual, half of women still believe that they started too young in retrospect. It's common sense that once one starts to have sex, they can't really stop which is why the smartest teenagers wait longer to have sex than their peers. Likewise, this follows in a relationship so starting off with sex, statistically means failing to play catch up with all other important aspects of a relationship. (That's why they call them 'one night stands'.) Furthermore, this rule can also be applied to the "levels" of sexual activity. This means once you give a man a certain type of release, that option will always have to be available or it will become an insult and hinder your relationship.

Do not have a baby outside of marriage. This seems old-timey and seems to work for some people but statistically this ends up hurting the child even more than the parents. Yes, this is consistent with many religions but that doesn't mean it has to be limited to religion. This was a good rule for any society as it benefits the child the most, who will in turn become the deciding adults of society in the future. Every child deserves their best chance at life which means two parents raising them together and every parent who loves their children will surely want to give them their best chances. Growing up with separate homes or through a divorce can do a lot of damage to a child, especially depending on the age of separation and divided time between the parents. The Baby Boomer Generation told themselves that what was best for themselves was also best for their child, even if that meant divorce/separation, but that was a selfish delusion that proved completely false. For those who truly believe they will not be separating yet refuse to marry, the question becomes if you're not willing to legally commit to each other then why are you willing to create a life with each other that you will have to legally commit to? Again this is unfair to the child as a child does not deserve to be born as a relationship test or tool nor from a state of confusion or uncertainty.

Courtesy of: https://www.focusonthefamily.com/socialissues/marriage/teach-your-children-about-marriage/30-years-of-research

Do not have a baby without the father's prior full consent. Having a baby without the father's consent is just cruel to the child as well as the father himself. (Not to mention that you will most likely suffer from it sooner or later as well.) A child is not a tool nor an accessory! There are some areas in America that no longer look down upon the single mother and some areas even embrace them. While this attitude might help those women feel emboldened to "be themselves", what does it do for their children? At the best, nothing at all and at the worst, it hurts them by entitling their mothers not to be accountable for the mistakes they make that affect other people. A single mother whose husband has died is a different scenario and that woman does deserve recognition. Proactively having a child with the intent of being a single mother, however, should be a crime of child abuse. This is directly neglecting the child of their necessary father and second parent. Children need both their mother and their father for their unique contributions.  A woman may feel empowered to have a child simply because she has the ability to do so, but there is a reason why it takes 2 to make a child even though it only takes 1 to give birth to it. Some women (and even some men) may not be happy with the roles that nature has given them with their bodies but this is not something to be taken out on society, the "father" or the child. Children still deserve to be an act of love, commitment, trust and partnership no matter what the year or century is.

The golden rule applies to dating: Treat men the way you want them to treat you. If you expect him to put you first then you need to be willing to put him first too. Too often nowadays women are so quick to acknowledge their requirements for how a man should treat them and make them feel without the slightest thought of how a man might want to be treated or how they can make them feel. This is objectification. A woman cannot expect a man she is dating to buy her flowers or completely sexually, monogamously commit to her if she is not willing to do something in return like cook him dinner or stay in physical shape. A relationship is about trade offs and balance, not taking without giving in return. Just because the mainstream media makes it seem acceptable to treat your date offensively, doesn't actually make it proper or appropriate to actually do so. The way you treat your date is a direct reflection of the way you treat, as well as think, of yourself.

Males:

Never pay or acknowledge a child out of wedlock without a DNA test. Since feminism fought for political incorrectness towards women (though they now reject it), let's just save time and admit that some women lie. You and the child have a right to know if the mother is a con artist. If you think a DNA test is too expensive, think about how much child support payments will cost over the next 18 years in comparison, plus medical bills throughout the pregnancy. If you think a DNA test is too offensive, think about how offensive it was that she got pregnant without your consent or even a commitment of marriage first, at least. This isn't just about being manipulated to pay for a child that isn't yours. Think about the effect it would have on you and/or the child to find out later that your biological connection is nonexistent. Think about that effect if some medical emergency were to happen and your biological connection was an essential piece of information that meant the difference between life and death. Think about that effect if you find out by the real biological father showing up unannounced. For all of the potential unknown possibilities and results, it's worth it to pay for a DNA test so you can eliminate many negative unknown consequences from the start.

Don't marry a woman unwilling to sign a prenuptial. Any woman who isn't confident enough that it will never come to that, shouldn't be getting married or has ulterior motives. Yes, many women are going to initially be offended by this. Any woman capable of logic and reason however, will respect you more for this, as she will recognize that you are not a man who allows yourself to be easily taken advantage of. A prenuptial can always be amended later anyways. The point isn't even necessarily about getting her to sign the prenuptial but at least that she's willing to sign it. If you're willing to sign a contract that you'll never leave her then why can't she sign a contract not to try and take you for all you're worth if it doesn't happen to work out? If she really loves you then she should have this attitude anyways unless she's a selfish sociopath.. In which case, why are you marrying her?

Don't settle for feminist peers who emasculate you. Remember that you get better with age; they don't. When males are younger, all of the cards are stacked against them dating-wise. They are at their most immature and sexually excited while women are at their most attractive. As time goes on however, men become more physically and personally attractive to women as they age and mature. At this same time, women are losing their attractiveness as well as time to have a child and make a lasting consistent and stable connection that results in children. So be careful when you're younger not to let a female peer get the best of you while they can, just because they can. Besides, you're more likely to have a successful marriage when dating a woman younger than you anyways. Don't wait until your second marriage to figure that out.

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